Divorce Differently |
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How do I find the right attorney?
I’ve been practicing family law for more than a decade and from this side of the table, it’s an easier question to answer. But, from a potential client’s perspective, the answer can be more elusive. I’ve worked with dozens of attorneys over the years, first when litigating family court cases and now exclusively in collaborative law. From years of interacting closely with my colleagues day in and day out, I consider many of them to be great attorneys. But how does a potential client know who’s good – especially if they’ve never dealt with divorce or the courts before? What exactly is “good?” Good can mean competent. All practicing attorneys should be competent. We all went to law school (which is rigorous, to say the least) and we’ve all passed at least one Bar Exam. But competent doesn’t necessarily mean exceptional or outstanding. Maybe you think a good attorney is an aggressive one. Conversely, you can find a highly skilled and experienced attorney whose style and approach does not align with your values. The real question is: how can you tell if an attorney is good for you? Here are my best tips:
If you prefer to litigate your case, you might look for someone who is a seasoned litigator. Some attorneys are board certified specialists in family law. If you need someone with specialized training, you can find it. Otherwise, there are likely plenty of experienced family law attorneys in your area.
Unfortunately, almost anyone can post anything online – even if they’ve never consulted with or employed the attorney they’re reviewing. But a solid track record of good, detailed reviews from former clients is a good sign. If possible, take the time to read the reviews to make sure that the way the attorney advises, practices, etc. is in line with your goals. I find Avvo.com to have more reliable ratings because of their stricter review guidelines. Reading reviews is a good start, but don’t let your research end there.
Divorce starts with a loss. Even if a judge rules in your favor on one particular point, you’ve likely lost a lot along the way to get to that ruling. Remember that “winning” means different things to different people. If you’re curious about your attorney’s track record, ask. If you already know the judge assigned to your case, ask the attorney how they’ve faired in front of that judge in the past. If you’re looking for a divorce attorney, I hope these tips will help you find the right one. If you want to divorce differently, I’m here to help. I’ve been practicing collaborative divorce law and have successfully kept couples out of the courtroom for many years. A peaceful divorce is possible. Call us to set up a consultation. We’d love to help. If you’ve decided on divorce, chances are you’re already doing your research to find an attorney. If you’re ready to book your first consultation, you’re taking an important first step in getting your case resolved. I want to give you some of my best tips for getting the most out of your consultation so that you don’t walk away with more questions than answers.
Friend or Foe? How do you want to resolve your case? Are you looking forward to taking your ex to court – or are you willing to resolve things as amicably as possible? Your answer will help you book your consultation with the appropriate attorney. I practice collaborative divorce, which means both sides commit to resolving all their divorce issues out of court. It is generally more cost-effective than traditional litigation and helps leave families emotionally and financially more intact. I say this because if you are looking to resolve things peaceably, you probably don’t want to consult with an avid litigator. Likewise, if you know you’ll need to go to court, a collaborative divorce attorney may not be the best fit. Decide which approach you want and go from there. Cost Attorneys generally charge for a consultation, so know that ahead of time. You may need to save some money or plan for that cost in your budget. Consultations are usually an hour and can cost in the $300 range, but they could be more, they could be less. It will always depend on the individual attorney. Time Flies Clients book consultations for a variety of reasons. You may be contemplating divorce and want to know what your options are. You may already be in the divorce process and need an attorney to proceed. Whatever the reason, just know that an hour consultation can fly by. You’re paying hard-earned money. Don’t waste it. Keep the following in mind:
How Do I Know if It Went Well? You should leave your consultation with a general idea of your options. You may not be able to address every detail of your divorce in one hour. But an attorney can explain your most pressing issues and talk about what to do going forward. If you need a second consultation, that’s ok. Some clients do that when more questions come up or circumstances change. If your consulting attorney addresses your questions, you feel satisfied with the advice you’re given, and you feel you’re a good match, then the consultation is a success. Our practice deals exclusively with collaborative divorces. We have successfully kept couples out of court for years. It’s not traditional litigation. It’s different. That’s why our mission statement here is “Divorce Differently.” If you’re ready to divorce differently, call us and set up a consultation. We’d love to help. If you’ve recently found out that your spouse has spent all the money, or that there’s “someone else,” let me first say: I know this is likely a very painful time for you. If you’ve decided to pursue a separation, you are not alone. Financial misconduct and adultery are two of the most common causes of a breakdown of a marriage. It may seem like a contradiction, but I’ve helped many couples resolve their divorces outside of court when adultery or bad behavior was involved. You may be asking:
If my spouse did me wrong, shouldn’t I take them to court to make sure I get a fair deal? One of my most oft-repeated phrases in meetings with my clients is that there is no such thing as “fair” in divorce. I know that to be true based upon my years of training and experience in both traditional divorce litigation and collaborative divorce. Suit or Settle? Traditional litigation involves filing a lawsuit filled with allegations, going to court, gathering evidence, taking the witness stand, and so forth. Collaborative divorce is different. It’s a completely voluntary process where the attorneys and spouses work together as a team to separate assets and reach a resolution on difficult issues like parenting time, child support, alimony, and the like. Work together? A team? It may sound improbable. But it works. If you commit to a collaborative divorce, it’s not just a promise to play nice. The collaborative process requires a legally binding contract requiring both sides to be transparent and act in good faith to resolve all pertinent issues. That contract helps keep you focused on the end goal: resolution. The Money Factor You or your spouse may be resistant to the idea of collaborative divorce. I understand. However, a court battle will most likely be emotionally and financially devastating. Litigating your divorce also places the outcome in someone else’s hands. A judge will take different factors into account when deciding what assets are left, who will get them, and how much time each parent will spend with their children. That kind of a resolution may be difficult to accept. However, if you and your spouse can both work together for a greater good, the divorce will be in your hands. You both can decide what’s best for your family going forward – and doing so collaboratively is generally more cost-effective than litigation. This financial component is what gives many of my clients the incentive to resolve their divorces outside of the courtroom. Private Details When adultery is involved, divorce can get ugly. In North Carolina, spouses can and do sue the “other” man or woman. Keeping your divorce out of court can protect both spouses from the pain and humiliation of spelling out all the details at trial. In my experience, working collaboratively can help both spouses transition into separation and divorce more peaceably and privately. I’ve represented spouses in contested litigation for years and now help couples stay out of court entirely – often when there is marital misconduct involved. I can tell you that collaborative divorce is possible and worth considering, even in these difficult circumstances. Collaborative divorce attorneys like me are specifically trained in the collaborative process. I’ve been practicing exclusively in this area for several years now and I can tell you that it’s an ideal fit for many families. If you’re ready to divorce differently, call us and set up a consultation. We’d love to help. If you’re not familiar with collaborative divorce, I’m here to share a few insights with you based on my years of practice. You may hear the word “divorce” and think of mudslinging or being grilled by an attorney while you’re on the witness stand.
Collaborative law is so different. You may have already guessed, but collaborative divorce means the spouses and their attorneys collaborate. They all work together as a team to separate assets and reach a resolution on difficult issues like parenting time, child support, alimony, and the like. The collaborative process is completely voluntary but has proven very successful in keeping cases out of court, ex-spouses civil, and family finances in better shape. Collaborative divorce has significantly grown in popularity in the past few years. In our view, here are five advantages of hiring a collaboratively trained attorney: 1. Less Conflict Divorce is hard. There’s no getting around that. But divorce can be much harder on you mentally, emotionally, and financially if you and your spouse are going back and forth in court. In the collaborative process, both spouses agree beforehand, in a legally binding contract, that they will commit to resolving their domestic issues out of the courtroom. When the spouses share that same goal, they’re often more committed to working through disagreements and getting issues resolved. Instead of being a team in marriage, they become a team in a different game. 2. More Privacy Court files are public record. Anyone can go to the file room at their respective county courthouse and look at the most intimate details of a family’s breakup. Was there a cheating spouse? You’ll probably read all about it in the filings. Did a spouse gamble away all the marital assets? That will be in there, too. If you’re considering divorce, airing your most intimate struggles in open court can be like adding salt to a gaping wound. Maybe you just don’t want anyone to know why your marriage is ending. Maybe you don’t want anyone to know the balance of your retirement accounts. Whatever your reason, depending upon where you live, a collaborative divorce allows you to keep most of your private details out of the public record. There is no recorded testimony, no public accusations – just an agreement between two spouses on how their marriage will end. In North Carolina, if spouses successfully complete the collaborative divorce process, the only public record could be that of the legal divorce itself. In South Carolina, your agreement must be approved as an Order of the court and become part of the public record, but you and your spouse control the narrative and will not include any intimate details regarding the breakdown of your marriage. 3. Like-minded Support Collaborative divorce attorneys are specifically trained in the collaborative process. However, most of us are not trained in child psychology or wealth and capital management. The great news is that if you are committed to the collaborative divorce process and you need an expert to help you figure out, for example, what parenting arrangement works best for the children, there are child specialists, financial planners, and divorce coaches who are also committed to the collaborative process. They can work together with both spouses (or one-on-one) to find a resolution to a specific issue – and they often charge less than the hourly rate of an attorney. These professionals are an excellent resource that can help give you more peace of mind knowing they share your same goal – a peaceful resolution. 4. Streamlined Process The goal of the collaborative process is to resolve domestic issues as amicably and efficiently as possible. If both sides are following through with their commitment, both spouses and their attorneys are sharing all the necessary documents in a timely manner, there is open communication, and additional professional help can be attained easily by adding trained professionals to the collaborative team. This process eliminates what you often see in litigation: attorneys sometimes repeatedly asking for documents, subpoenas being issued to get more information, each side looking for their own expert witnesses to support their case, and so on. At Dasher Law, my colleagues and I work to streamline the process so that we can resolve your divorce amicably, efficiently, and equitably, and you can move forward with the next steps of your new life. 5. Cost-effective Approach* I’m always leery when I see the * after a sentence. It means there’s a “but” coming. Let me first say that a collaborative divorce is generally more cost effective than litigation. When you have both sides working toward a resolution, they spend less time fighting. BUT – you and your spouse play a role in the final cost. If you work together, you will keep costs down. But if you start the collaborative divorce process and start having difficulties, your attorneys will have to walk you through those issues, which could mean a higher overall cost. My goal is always to help my clients resolve their divorces efficiently and as financially soundly as possible. If you’re facing a divorce, I want you to know that there is hope that you can divorce differently. Collaborative divorce is an ideal fit for many families. If you’re ready to divorce differently, call us and set up a consultation. We’d love to help. If you’ve ever driven by my office in downtown Matthews (or you’ve just spent the last few minutes exploring this site), you can’t miss our mission statement:
Divorce Differently. What’s your first impression of that statement? Is it refreshing? Confusing? Laughable? Maybe when you think of divorce, you think of a knockdown, drag out court battle. Maybe someone you care about has gone through a bitter, contentious divorce where both sides are slinging legal papers at each other at a rapid-fire pace. Maybe you’ve seen a dear friend have to tell a judge what his or her child does and eats and why they’re a good parent. Maybe you’ve only seen that kind of divorce in the movies. Consider yourself fortunate. The reality is that divorce is an unavoidable part of our world. I’ve worked in family law for more than a decade now. I’ve represented spouses in contested litigation for years and have now helped couples stay out of court entirely for several years. That’s why I can tell you definitively that you can divorce differently. Divorcing differently doesn’t mean that spouses are best friends, that they want to split everything fairly and move on, or that they agree entirely about how they want to raise their children after they’ve separated. All of this can certainly happen. I’ve seen it. However, divorcing differently means you approach and execute your divorce differently. At Dasher Law, we practice what is known as collaborative divorce because we collaborate with the “other side” to come to a mutually beneficial resolution. We help spouses essentially work as a team to separate assets and make decisions regarding child support, child custody, and alimony, using our legal expertise to advocate for a fair outcome. When couples are willing to utilize the collaborative approach, it often saves a significant amount of money in legal fees because attorneys are not filing contested lawsuits, responding to allegations, gathering evidence, crafting trial notes and arguments, and the list goes on. Every time that attorney (or staff member) makes a copy of something, it costs you money! Our goal is not only to help families come through divorce as financially healthy as possible, but also to help alleviate some of the mental and emotional anguish that comes with an us-against-them approach. Divorce is hard. But it can be different. If you’re ready to divorce differently, call us and set up a consultation. We’d love to help. |
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