Divorce Differently |
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If you’ve been considering divorce or are just starting the process, you might already be reeling at the prospect of paying a hefty price tag. A consultation could cost you a few hundred dollars. It’s well worth your money, but that’s only the beginning.
I hope you’ll consider what I’m about to share with you. If you’re thinking about going to court for your divorce, the financial implications could be devastating. The financial cost is one of the reasons I stopped litigating cases years ago and why I now advocate so strongly for a collaborative approach. It’s my exclusive practice now. So, How Much? A few years ago, legal marketing firm Martindale-Nolo asked consumers how much they paid for their divorces, and attorneys how much they charged. In North Carolina, the cost varied widely depending on several factors, including the number of contested issues and whether the case went to trial. The higher the conflict, the higher the price tag. For one contested issue and no trial, their research showed a minimum of about $5,000. The cases that went to trial averaged between $12,000-$15,000. I’ve seen some cases go into six figures. The bottom line is that typically the more cooperative the couple is, the smaller the bill. Can you see why I strongly support collaborative divorce? Working Together Collaborative divorce is a voluntary process wherein both spouses commit to resolving their divorce outside of the court. Couples sign a legally binding contract in which they commit to work together, and with their respective attorneys, to separate assets, work out any child custody or spousal support issues, and minimize the collateral damage of divorce on their family as a whole. Generally speaking, the collaborative process costs less than going to court. Here are some of the factors that can impact the total cost of your divorce: Where You Live
Contested Issues
Attorney Experience
Settlement or Trial?
Unknown Costs
When I opened the doors to Dasher Law, I wanted to do divorce differently. In fact, I made that my mission statement and I work every day to keep couples focused on staying out of court and moving on to the next new chapter of their lives. If you’re ready to Divorce Differently, call us and set up a consultation. We’d love to help. When clients come in for a consultation, they often want to know:
HOW SOON CAN I GET DIVORCED? Sure, getting married can be quick and easy. But most states make it a little harder to get divorced, for a variety of reasons. The bottom line for you if you’re considering divorce is that it could take anywhere from several months to more than a year, depending upon where you live and several other factors. Fault v. No-fault I practice collaborative (A.K.A. “amicable”) divorce in North and South Carolina. North Carolina is a no-fault state. That means that regardless of the reason for the divorce, the spouses must live separate and apart continuously for one full year before they can file for divorce. Unfortunately, if you’ve experienced adultery or abandonment in your marriage, it won’t expedite the divorce. You must still wait a year and at least one of you must have lived in the state for six months before you can file. (Different states have different residency requirements. Check yours.) South Carolina is different in that you can file for divorce sooner than before one full year of separation if you have one of these fault-based grounds: adultery, desertion, physical cruelty, or habitual drunkenness/drug use. There is a 90-day waiting period if you have fault-based grounds. The spouses must also resolve all matters pertaining to the divorce, such as alimony, child custody, property division, etc., before a judge will grant the divorce. If a couple has experienced adultery or any other large breach of marital trust, it may be hard for spouses to resolve their marital issues within 90 days. In those cases, it could take a year to resolve the divorce regardless. Your timeline will depend upon your individual situation, which is why I strongly encourage people to schedule a consultation with an attorney. A consultation will help you understand how long your divorce could take. Collaborative v. Contentious Another factor that could affect your divorce timeline is whether you’re divorcing amicably. If you and your spouse have decided to part ways and want to work together to disentangle, first I applaud you and believe you are making the best choice for your family. Legally speaking, in North Carolina, you’ll still have to wait one year to file for divorce after you separate. Your spouse then has 30 days to respond to the filing. After that, if you and your spouse have come to a resolution outside of court, finalizing the divorce will be a matter of getting on the court’s docket to have a judge declare you legally divorced. In South Carolina, if you have an agreement, a fault-based ground for divorce, and your spouse does not contest the filing, your divorce could be granted long before one year of separation has passed. Scheduling Depending upon where you live, getting on the court’s docket could be faster or slower than you anticipate. Mecklenburg County is always busy, so in this county, I tell my clients that if they’ve met the mandatory one year waiting period, it could take an additional 3-6 months to finalize their divorce. As a collaborative divorce attorney, I help couples resolve their divorces outside of the courtroom. We can’t change the law to get you divorced faster, but I believe that if you can work together as a team to separate assets and decide on parenting time, you will resolve your divorce as quickly and efficiently as possible. If you have questions, call us to set up a consultation. We do divorce differently here. We believe both sides can come through divorce as emotionally and financially healthy as possible. If you’re ready to divorce differently, call us. We’d love to help. I’ve been practicing family law for more than a decade now. Several years ago, I decided to switch my practice from litigating cases to keeping couples out of court entirely.
What I do is called collaborative divorce, but I’m also a certified family court mediator. People often use the two terms interchangeably. I want to explain some of the differences between the two, with the hope that it will help you decide which approach you need. Shared Goals Both collaborative law and mediation are in the same family, so to speak. They share the same goal of resolving family disputes outside of court. Both options give you, the client, the most control over the outcome of your case. However, they differ to the extent in which the parties are in agreement on their domestic issues. Collaborative Divorce Divorce is not always ugly. Sometimes, spouses are willing to cooperate to end their marriage very amicably. Collaborative divorce attorneys are specifically trained in the collaborative divorce process. Each spouse has his or her own attorney and all parties enter into a legal contract, committing to work together to separate assets and debts, decide on parenting time, alimony, and so forth. Sometimes, spouses utilize additional neutral third-party experts to help them, such as a financial planner to analyze their marital estate and make recommendations regarding an equitable division of assets. In this scenario, I represent one spouse and advocate on that individual’s behalf. However, I also cooperate with the other side to make sure we’re all fully transparent, disclose all the financial details, and get the divorce resolved amicably and efficiently. In this approach, we all work as a team. Mediation Mediation is different in that you have a neutral third party as a go-between for you and your spouse to help you resolve your divorce, generally in a one-day session. If you are litigating your divorce in North or South Carolina, mediation is required prior to a final trial, and a court will either appoint a mediator or both parties will agree on a mediator. If you and your ex are amicable, you can agree to mediation on your own, with or without attorneys participating in the process. While I take many clients to mediation as their attorney, I also often serve as a private mediator for two spouses. In that scenario, I am the neutral third party. I help those who cannot come to an agreement on certain aspects of their divorce but who would still like to settle outside of court. As a neutral, I do not advocate for either side, but I do try to help each spouse or parent see and empathize with the position of the other. Mediators cannot not give legal advice, either. They are trained to facilitate negotiations between the parties so that the parties can come to an agreement on their own terms. In both the collaborative process and mediation, you get to decide what works best for your family going forward. Generally, parties will call my office and request one service or the other. More often, parties are confused about which option will work best for their family. If you are unsure of what you need, you can always call and schedule a consultation to discuss your specific situation in detail and receive recommendations and legal advice. Divorce Differently No matter what role I play, my mission is to do divorce differently. I’ve successfully mediated and collaborated on countless cases and I’m grateful that families have walked away from this process as emotional and financially intact as possible. If you’re ready to divorce differently, call us and set up a consultation. We’d love to help. It seems a little strange to talk about commitment when you are contemplating divorce. If your marriage is broken, chances are you’ve decided you no longer want to make any commitments to each other. But if you’ve chosen to end things amicably through a collaborative divorce, you will need commitment to get you through this process.
Divorce, Differently I’m so grateful for the opportunity to practice collaborative divorce. This way of divorcing is not like many of the divorces you hear about and like many of the divorces I litigated years ago. The amount of fighting between couples and the resulting impacts on their children became too much for me to witness. Those types of divorces devastated families – emotionally and financially. I decided years ago I wanted to do divorce differently. Now, I’m specially trained to help couples work as a team to separate their assets, decide child custody, and the like. But this process is not just a promise to play nice. It’s a commitment – a legal commitment to work together – and as such, it must be taken seriously. If things go awry, the consequences can be damaging. Working Together When you choose a collaborative divorce, both you and your spouse (or ex-spouse, or soon-to-be ex-spouse) will work with your respective attorneys and with each other to resolve all issues pertaining to your divorce. All parties sign a legally binding contract, requiring both sides to act in good faith, disclose all required information, and be fully transparent with one another and the collaborative team. Sometimes, couples will hire additional experts who serve as neutral third parties to assist with specific issues. For example, a financial neutral can analyze all of the assets and debts, make tax projections, and present a spreadsheet proposing how everything can be divided most equitably. A child specialist can provide input on what custody schedule might work best for the children. A divorce coach can ensure that the spouses stay on track emotionally during the collaborative process and each have the emotional and mental health support they need to tackle the legal problems. Change of Heart If all parties are working together as spelled out in the contract, what could go wrong? As you can imagine, divorces can be emotionally devastating. Sometimes, spouses start off in agreement until something happens that gives them a change of heart. They no longer want to be amicable. If that’s you, I would encourage you to reconsider. Legal Consequences If you or your spouse stop cooperating, you are legally in breach of the contract you signed to participate in good faith during the collaborative process. That means your likely next step is entering into litigation. Remember, you’re trying to avoid the courtroom. Starting Over Whatever work you’ve done will result in very little progress if the collaborative process terminates. If you end this process, you will have to dismiss your current attorney and retain a new one. If you have an outstanding legal bill, you’ll still have to pay it. If you’ve created any documents with your attorney or had any specialists involved, you won’t be able to take any of that work product with you to the next attorney. Staying Committed Although there are many reasons to stay committed to the collaborative process, the aforementioned scenarios are two very good incentives for keeping your case collaborative. I’ve been practicing collaborative law for many years now. I’ve helped couples resolve their divorces outside of the courtroom – even when there’s infidelity or marital misconduct of some kind involved. Even in these emotionally difficult circumstances, two people can still work together to end their marriage peacefully and efficiently. I’m committed to helping you divorce collaboratively. Will you be committed? Our mission statement here at Dasher Law is “Divorce Differently.” We know your divorce can be different. Call us to set up a consultation. We’d love to help. Sometimes, couples just want a friendly divorce. There are no shouting matches, no affairs, no bombshells. The couple has decided that they no longer want to be married and they want to divorce and divide their assets amicably.
If you’re in that camp, the positive news is that your divorce shouldn’t cost as much as a contested divorce. If you are both amicable but haven’t yet decided on custody schedules, assets and the like, a collaborative divorce is a great option for you. Collaborative divorce attorneys are specifically trained in the collaborative process. We keep couples out of court and work with both sides to resolve all matters pertaining to the divorce. The collaborative process is highly effective and has increased in popularity in recent years. In the alternative, if you’ve both already agreed upon all aspects of your divorce, you may only need an attorney to write up the agreement for you. If you’re in this position right now, here are a few things to keep in mind.
At Dasher Law, our mission statement is “Divorce Differently.” We want to help keep you out of court and give you the opportunity to move on to the next new chapter of your life. If you’re ready to divorce differently, call us to set up a consultation. We’d love to help. How do I find the right attorney?
I’ve been practicing family law for more than a decade and from this side of the table, it’s an easier question to answer. But, from a potential client’s perspective, the answer can be more elusive. I’ve worked with dozens of attorneys over the years, first when litigating family court cases and now exclusively in collaborative law. From years of interacting closely with my colleagues day in and day out, I consider many of them to be great attorneys. But how does a potential client know who’s good – especially if they’ve never dealt with divorce or the courts before? What exactly is “good?” Good can mean competent. All practicing attorneys should be competent. We all went to law school (which is rigorous, to say the least) and we’ve all passed at least one Bar Exam. But competent doesn’t necessarily mean exceptional or outstanding. Maybe you think a good attorney is an aggressive one. Conversely, you can find a highly skilled and experienced attorney whose style and approach does not align with your values. The real question is: how can you tell if an attorney is good for you? Here are my best tips:
If you prefer to litigate your case, you might look for someone who is a seasoned litigator. Some attorneys are board certified specialists in family law. If you need someone with specialized training, you can find it. Otherwise, there are likely plenty of experienced family law attorneys in your area.
Unfortunately, almost anyone can post anything online – even if they’ve never consulted with or employed the attorney they’re reviewing. But a solid track record of good, detailed reviews from former clients is a good sign. If possible, take the time to read the reviews to make sure that the way the attorney advises, practices, etc. is in line with your goals. I find Avvo.com to have more reliable ratings because of their stricter review guidelines. Reading reviews is a good start, but don’t let your research end there.
Divorce starts with a loss. Even if a judge rules in your favor on one particular point, you’ve likely lost a lot along the way to get to that ruling. Remember that “winning” means different things to different people. If you’re curious about your attorney’s track record, ask. If you already know the judge assigned to your case, ask the attorney how they’ve faired in front of that judge in the past. If you’re looking for a divorce attorney, I hope these tips will help you find the right one. If you want to divorce differently, I’m here to help. I’ve been practicing collaborative divorce law and have successfully kept couples out of the courtroom for many years. A peaceful divorce is possible. Call us to set up a consultation. We’d love to help. If you’ve decided on divorce, chances are you’re already doing your research to find an attorney. If you’re ready to book your first consultation, you’re taking an important first step in getting your case resolved. I want to give you some of my best tips for getting the most out of your consultation so that you don’t walk away with more questions than answers.
Friend or Foe? How do you want to resolve your case? Are you looking forward to taking your ex to court – or are you willing to resolve things as amicably as possible? Your answer will help you book your consultation with the appropriate attorney. I practice collaborative divorce, which means both sides commit to resolving all their divorce issues out of court. It is generally more cost-effective than traditional litigation and helps leave families emotionally and financially more intact. I say this because if you are looking to resolve things peaceably, you probably don’t want to consult with an avid litigator. Likewise, if you know you’ll need to go to court, a collaborative divorce attorney may not be the best fit. Decide which approach you want and go from there. Cost Attorneys generally charge for a consultation, so know that ahead of time. You may need to save some money or plan for that cost in your budget. Consultations are usually an hour and can cost in the $300 range, but they could be more, they could be less. It will always depend on the individual attorney. Time Flies Clients book consultations for a variety of reasons. You may be contemplating divorce and want to know what your options are. You may already be in the divorce process and need an attorney to proceed. Whatever the reason, just know that an hour consultation can fly by. You’re paying hard-earned money. Don’t waste it. Keep the following in mind:
How Do I Know if It Went Well? You should leave your consultation with a general idea of your options. You may not be able to address every detail of your divorce in one hour. But an attorney can explain your most pressing issues and talk about what to do going forward. If you need a second consultation, that’s ok. Some clients do that when more questions come up or circumstances change. If your consulting attorney addresses your questions, you feel satisfied with the advice you’re given, and you feel you’re a good match, then the consultation is a success. Our practice deals exclusively with collaborative divorces. We have successfully kept couples out of court for years. It’s not traditional litigation. It’s different. That’s why our mission statement here is “Divorce Differently.” If you’re ready to divorce differently, call us and set up a consultation. We’d love to help. If you’ve recently found out that your spouse has spent all the money, or that there’s “someone else,” let me first say: I know this is likely a very painful time for you. If you’ve decided to pursue a separation, you are not alone. Financial misconduct and adultery are two of the most common causes of a breakdown of a marriage. It may seem like a contradiction, but I’ve helped many couples resolve their divorces outside of court when adultery or bad behavior was involved. You may be asking:
If my spouse did me wrong, shouldn’t I take them to court to make sure I get a fair deal? One of my most oft-repeated phrases in meetings with my clients is that there is no such thing as “fair” in divorce. I know that to be true based upon my years of training and experience in both traditional divorce litigation and collaborative divorce. Suit or Settle? Traditional litigation involves filing a lawsuit filled with allegations, going to court, gathering evidence, taking the witness stand, and so forth. Collaborative divorce is different. It’s a completely voluntary process where the attorneys and spouses work together as a team to separate assets and reach a resolution on difficult issues like parenting time, child support, alimony, and the like. Work together? A team? It may sound improbable. But it works. If you commit to a collaborative divorce, it’s not just a promise to play nice. The collaborative process requires a legally binding contract requiring both sides to be transparent and act in good faith to resolve all pertinent issues. That contract helps keep you focused on the end goal: resolution. The Money Factor You or your spouse may be resistant to the idea of collaborative divorce. I understand. However, a court battle will most likely be emotionally and financially devastating. Litigating your divorce also places the outcome in someone else’s hands. A judge will take different factors into account when deciding what assets are left, who will get them, and how much time each parent will spend with their children. That kind of a resolution may be difficult to accept. However, if you and your spouse can both work together for a greater good, the divorce will be in your hands. You both can decide what’s best for your family going forward – and doing so collaboratively is generally more cost-effective than litigation. This financial component is what gives many of my clients the incentive to resolve their divorces outside of the courtroom. Private Details When adultery is involved, divorce can get ugly. In North Carolina, spouses can and do sue the “other” man or woman. Keeping your divorce out of court can protect both spouses from the pain and humiliation of spelling out all the details at trial. In my experience, working collaboratively can help both spouses transition into separation and divorce more peaceably and privately. I’ve represented spouses in contested litigation for years and now help couples stay out of court entirely – often when there is marital misconduct involved. I can tell you that collaborative divorce is possible and worth considering, even in these difficult circumstances. Collaborative divorce attorneys like me are specifically trained in the collaborative process. I’ve been practicing exclusively in this area for several years now and I can tell you that it’s an ideal fit for many families. If you’re ready to divorce differently, call us and set up a consultation. We’d love to help. If you’re not familiar with collaborative divorce, I’m here to share a few insights with you based on my years of practice. You may hear the word “divorce” and think of mudslinging or being grilled by an attorney while you’re on the witness stand.
Collaborative law is so different. You may have already guessed, but collaborative divorce means the spouses and their attorneys collaborate. They all work together as a team to separate assets and reach a resolution on difficult issues like parenting time, child support, alimony, and the like. The collaborative process is completely voluntary but has proven very successful in keeping cases out of court, ex-spouses civil, and family finances in better shape. Collaborative divorce has significantly grown in popularity in the past few years. In our view, here are five advantages of hiring a collaboratively trained attorney: 1. Less Conflict Divorce is hard. There’s no getting around that. But divorce can be much harder on you mentally, emotionally, and financially if you and your spouse are going back and forth in court. In the collaborative process, both spouses agree beforehand, in a legally binding contract, that they will commit to resolving their domestic issues out of the courtroom. When the spouses share that same goal, they’re often more committed to working through disagreements and getting issues resolved. Instead of being a team in marriage, they become a team in a different game. 2. More Privacy Court files are public record. Anyone can go to the file room at their respective county courthouse and look at the most intimate details of a family’s breakup. Was there a cheating spouse? You’ll probably read all about it in the filings. Did a spouse gamble away all the marital assets? That will be in there, too. If you’re considering divorce, airing your most intimate struggles in open court can be like adding salt to a gaping wound. Maybe you just don’t want anyone to know why your marriage is ending. Maybe you don’t want anyone to know the balance of your retirement accounts. Whatever your reason, depending upon where you live, a collaborative divorce allows you to keep most of your private details out of the public record. There is no recorded testimony, no public accusations – just an agreement between two spouses on how their marriage will end. In North Carolina, if spouses successfully complete the collaborative divorce process, the only public record could be that of the legal divorce itself. In South Carolina, your agreement must be approved as an Order of the court and become part of the public record, but you and your spouse control the narrative and will not include any intimate details regarding the breakdown of your marriage. 3. Like-minded Support Collaborative divorce attorneys are specifically trained in the collaborative process. However, most of us are not trained in child psychology or wealth and capital management. The great news is that if you are committed to the collaborative divorce process and you need an expert to help you figure out, for example, what parenting arrangement works best for the children, there are child specialists, financial planners, and divorce coaches who are also committed to the collaborative process. They can work together with both spouses (or one-on-one) to find a resolution to a specific issue – and they often charge less than the hourly rate of an attorney. These professionals are an excellent resource that can help give you more peace of mind knowing they share your same goal – a peaceful resolution. 4. Streamlined Process The goal of the collaborative process is to resolve domestic issues as amicably and efficiently as possible. If both sides are following through with their commitment, both spouses and their attorneys are sharing all the necessary documents in a timely manner, there is open communication, and additional professional help can be attained easily by adding trained professionals to the collaborative team. This process eliminates what you often see in litigation: attorneys sometimes repeatedly asking for documents, subpoenas being issued to get more information, each side looking for their own expert witnesses to support their case, and so on. At Dasher Law, my colleagues and I work to streamline the process so that we can resolve your divorce amicably, efficiently, and equitably, and you can move forward with the next steps of your new life. 5. Cost-effective Approach* I’m always leery when I see the * after a sentence. It means there’s a “but” coming. Let me first say that a collaborative divorce is generally more cost effective than litigation. When you have both sides working toward a resolution, they spend less time fighting. BUT – you and your spouse play a role in the final cost. If you work together, you will keep costs down. But if you start the collaborative divorce process and start having difficulties, your attorneys will have to walk you through those issues, which could mean a higher overall cost. My goal is always to help my clients resolve their divorces efficiently and as financially soundly as possible. If you’re facing a divorce, I want you to know that there is hope that you can divorce differently. Collaborative divorce is an ideal fit for many families. If you’re ready to divorce differently, call us and set up a consultation. We’d love to help. If you’ve ever driven by my office in downtown Matthews (or you’ve just spent the last few minutes exploring this site), you can’t miss our mission statement:
Divorce Differently. What’s your first impression of that statement? Is it refreshing? Confusing? Laughable? Maybe when you think of divorce, you think of a knockdown, drag out court battle. Maybe someone you care about has gone through a bitter, contentious divorce where both sides are slinging legal papers at each other at a rapid-fire pace. Maybe you’ve seen a dear friend have to tell a judge what his or her child does and eats and why they’re a good parent. Maybe you’ve only seen that kind of divorce in the movies. Consider yourself fortunate. The reality is that divorce is an unavoidable part of our world. I’ve worked in family law for more than a decade now. I’ve represented spouses in contested litigation for years and have now helped couples stay out of court entirely for several years. That’s why I can tell you definitively that you can divorce differently. Divorcing differently doesn’t mean that spouses are best friends, that they want to split everything fairly and move on, or that they agree entirely about how they want to raise their children after they’ve separated. All of this can certainly happen. I’ve seen it. However, divorcing differently means you approach and execute your divorce differently. At Dasher Law, we practice what is known as collaborative divorce because we collaborate with the “other side” to come to a mutually beneficial resolution. We help spouses essentially work as a team to separate assets and make decisions regarding child support, child custody, and alimony, using our legal expertise to advocate for a fair outcome. When couples are willing to utilize the collaborative approach, it often saves a significant amount of money in legal fees because attorneys are not filing contested lawsuits, responding to allegations, gathering evidence, crafting trial notes and arguments, and the list goes on. Every time that attorney (or staff member) makes a copy of something, it costs you money! Our goal is not only to help families come through divorce as financially healthy as possible, but also to help alleviate some of the mental and emotional anguish that comes with an us-against-them approach. Divorce is hard. But it can be different. If you’re ready to divorce differently, call us and set up a consultation. We’d love to help. |
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