Counseling or Therapy for Children During Divorce, Part I: Should my Child be in Therapy?

Should my child be in therapy or counseling during a separation / divorce?
If your child is struggling emotionally at home or in school, their behavior or mood is affecting their schoolwork or friendships, and the behavior or issues are continuing for more than a few days, your child should likely be in therapy or counseling. If your child is experiencing a major change in sleep habits or appetite, this can also be a sign that they are struggling and need to be connected to a counselor. Children who are actively struggling should be connected with a therapist sooner rather than later during the separation and divorce transition.

Therapy or counseling provides a positive, safe space for the child to express their feelings around the divorce, the changes and transitions associated with the divorce, and helps the child learn to advocate for himself or herself throughout the divorce and beyond. A therapist or counselor is a trusted adult outside of the family with whom they can discuss their concerns and feelings. Having a “third place” (a therapist’s office) aside from home and school can be incredibly helpful for children adjusting to a new normal post-separation. Counseling allows a child to understand that the divorce is not their fault and can also strengthen a child’s relationship with both of their parents. Even if you’re not entirely sure your child needs a therapist, it cannot hurt to connect them to one.  

How do I find a therapist or counselor for my child?
The best place to start is to ask your pediatrician or your child’s school guidance counselor for referrals to local therapists or counselors who specialize in working with children. If you do not find a child therapist with whom you think your child will connect from those referrals, ask trusted friends and other parents of children the same age if they have any counselor or therapist referrals.

If you’d rather search for a therapist on your own without outside input, the Psychology Today website has a great “Find a Therapist” search function where you can narrow your search by geography, issues, gender, types of therapy provided, age, cost, and more.  

How do I select the right therapist or counselor for my child?
What is most important in selecting the right therapist or counselor for a child is that a child’s personality meshes well with the chosen clinician. It is essential that the child wants to continue to see the therapist, so the therapy process is productive and effective for the child. If your child does not hit it off with the chosen therapist in the first few sessions, it is always okay to search for a new therapist that is a better fit for your child.

Stay tuned for next week's blog post, which will detail considerations for choosing your child's therapist. If you need child therapist referrals as your child navigates the separation and divorce transition, please feel free to reach out to our office. Our practice regularly intersects with local child therapists and we can refer you to child therapists that can meet your child's needs. 

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