Divorce Differently |
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Don’t miss the first four parts in this series of checklists helping you address the logistics, accounts, finances, online presence, and healthcare changes that may need to be completed upon separation and divorce. Today is our final installment of the divorce checklist, addressing the logistics surrounding the most important and precious part of your marriage: your children. This list is sparse because children are not logistics, and their needs throughout the divorce process cannot be quantified in a tidy checklist. The to-do items that you can address relating to your children are below.
If you have missed parts one through three of this five-part series, be sure to scroll down to get caught up on our complete checklist of items to address upon separation and divorce. Today’s blog post helps you consider and think through all of the changes you might need to make relating to your medical records and healthcare.
1. Consider health insurance planning:
3. Remove your former spouse from HIPAA authorizations at your doctor’s office. 4. Update your healthcare power of attorney and any medical directives for healthcare. If you need to update your healthcare power of attorney and medical directives, please reach out to our firm for a consultation so we can help you update these important documents. In previous posts, we provided checklists providing steps for removing your name and responsibility from joint finances, documents, and insurance. In today’s post, we will cover what steps to take to address your online presence post-separation or post-divorce. In today’s world, so much is automated and saved on our devices. While you were married, your spouse likely knew or had access to many of your online passwords and personal accounts. After separation, you need to take steps to remove your spouse’s access to your devices and online accounts. The checklist below outlines various steps you can take to ensure your online presence remains private.
1. Change passwords:
3. Delete saved joint credit card or bank account information from virtual payment platforms (GooglePay, ApplePay, Venmo, etc.) 4. Deleted saved joint credit card or bank account information from online shopping platforms like Amazon, Walmart, Target, etc. 5. Create your own individual accounts for online memberships or cloud-based services like Amazon, Apple ID, iCloud account, Netflix, Hulu, etc. 6. Change your privacy settings on your social media accounts to share as much or as little with your spouse as you wish. There may be additional accounts or websites you need to update after your separation, but this list provides a starting point. If you have any questions about your particular situation and how to address your online presence during separation or after divorce, please schedule a consultation with our firm. Divorce Checklist, Part II: Handling Important Documents, Insurance, and Mailing Address Changes4/6/2023
In part one, we went over the tasks required to address the financial side of a divorce like removing your name from and closing joint accounts, making sure you received all assets to which you were entitled in the separation, and starting a new financial plan for yourself. In today’s blog post, which is part two in a five-part series, we provide a checklist that focuses on name, address, and important document changes. It is especially important to consider updating your estate planning documents to provide for your children and remove your spouse from inheritance provisions that may currently exist in your estate planning documents. Now, here are the most important items to consider regarding documentation and insurance.
Please reach out to our firm and schedule a consultation if you aren’t sure how to proceed. We will help you understand what actions you should take in your unique situation. When you separate from your spouse and start moving down the path of divorce, there are many logistical matters to address. It is hard to keep track of all of the tasks required to separate yourself financially and legally from your spouse. Today’s post is the first in a five-part series providing straightforward checklists focused on extricating you from intertwined marital interests, accounts, and finalizing any financial obligations remaining from your property settlement.
The checklist is not in any particular order, and you can tackle the tasks in the order you see fit. This list does not address the deeper emotional work that may be required. As you address the mundane logistics of the dissolution of your marriage, a gamut of emotions may arise. Be sure to take care of yourself and take your time. The checklist does not need to be completed immediately. Building your marriage took a significant amount of time and the dissolution of it will take time as well. Without further ado, here are the main financial tasks you should tackle upon divorce. 1. Meet with a CPA or tax preparer to:
3. Create a monthly budget for yourself. 4. Run a credit report on yourself. 5. Close joint credit cards. 6. Close joint bank accounts. 7. Open individual bank account(s). 8. Use a different PIN number for your debit card(s) linked with your individual bank account(s) than the common PIN numbers you used during marriage. 9. Re-direct any direct deposit income into your individual bank account(s). 10. Stop auto-draft payments for shared bills or transfer auto-drafts for which you are responsible to your new bank account(s). 11. Transfer utility accounts, if necessary. 12. Update beneficiary designations for the following: life insurance, annuities, retirement plans, individual retirement accounts, investment accounts, and transfer-on-death bank accounts. 13. If you need a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (“QDRO”) to divide your retirement account, follow through with your attorney’s submission to the Plan Administrator, pre-approval by the Plan Administrator, approval of the proposed QDRO, submission to the court for signature by a judge, then final submission to the Plan Administrator for division of the retirement funds. Be sure you have an account set up to roll over and/or receive the funds, if necessary. 14. Keep records of payment or receipt of alimony/spousal support and other support payments made to or received from your former spouse. Not every item on this checklist will apply to you but consider each task and complete it, if needed. If you are not sure if you need to complete some of these tasks, reach out to our firm to schedule a consultation so that we can assist you as you move down the divorce path. Be sure to go back and review our first two posts in this three-part series on stay-at-home parents and what to expect upon separation and divorce financially. Today's post will address child custody and child support.
Child Custody Being a stay-at-home parent and/or the primary parent during the marriage does not necessarily mean that you will continue to be the primary parent for child custody upon separation. Your co-parent and spouse will inevitably step up and do more active parenting than they did during the marriage because they will no longer have the support of a stay-at-home parent. It can be difficult to let go of the primary parent role as a former stay-at-home parent, but it can only benefit your children to have two engaged, active parents contributing to their lives. The standard for determining child custody in court is what is in the best interests of the children. If you are resolving child custody outside of court, that best interest determination will remain the most important consideration in reaching a child custody agreement. Often, equally sharing physical custody of the children after separation is a great option for kids and families (i.e., alternating full weeks with each parent). However, if one parent has a more demanding job that doesn’t allow for a traditional week on/week off shared parenting arrangement, there are certainly alternatives. Perhaps the parent with the demanding job can accommodate a longer weekend of parenting time from Thursday to Sunday or a mid-week overnight for the kids. Child custody arrangements and schedules are not one-size-fits-all, and you and your spouse can discuss and agree on what will be the best custody schedule for the children and your family long-term. Our firm can educate you on options for child custody schedules if you aren’t sure what would be best for your family. Child Support If upon separation, you are still a stay-at-home parent with primary physical custody of the children and/or you are earning significantly less income than your spouse, your spouse will be required to pay child support to you. When you have children, both parents have a duty to support their children financially whether those children live with you 100% of the time or 0% of the time. Both parents have a responsibility to put a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, food in their bellies (even if they won’t eat the broccoli you make!), pay for their health insurance and medical care, provide or pay for childcare, and provide for any other necessities. To learn more about the basics of child support in North Carolina or South Carolina, please refer to our past blog post by clicking this link. Please reach out to our firm to schedule a consultation if you are a stay-at-home parent and need guidance on your child custody schedule and child support obligation. We are very familiar with supporting stay-at-home parents through this transition and can help you, too. Dividing Marital Assets (Equitable Distribution or Apportionment)
Today's post is part two in a three-part series addressing what a stay-at-home parent can expect legally and financially upon separation and divorce. Head back to review our first post before you continue on! Just because the supporting spouse “earned” the income or acquired the marital assets with his or her income does not mean that a stay-at-home parent forfeited any right to half of the value of the acquired assets. Stay-at-home parents are entitled to an equitable distribution of the net marital estate upon divorce. Equitable distribution (or equitable apportionment in South Carolina) means that all marital debts and marital assets will be equally divided (50%/50%) between the spouses. To learn more about equitable distribution in North Carolina and equitable apportionment in South Carolina, click this link to take you directly to our firm’s blog post devoted to explaining the basics. Stay-at-home parents do not lose their rights to half of their spouse’s retirement account(s), bank accounts, the marital home, or marital cars when they choose to stay home and support their supporting spouse by caring for the children, house, and other household management tasks. As long as the assets were acquired during the marriage, the assets are considered “marital” and the stay-at-home parent would generally be entitled to 50% of the value of the asset. The same rule applies for any debts or liabilities incurred during the marriage, generally speaking. Please reach out to our firm to schedule a consultation if you are a stay-at-home parent and need guidance on dividing your marital estate. We are very familiar with supporting stay-at-home parents through this transition and can help you, too. Today’s post is the first in a three-part series explaining what a stay-at-home parent can expect legally and financially upon separation and divorce. During a marriage, a couple may choose for one parent to stay at home with their children rather than pay the exorbitant cost of childcare or have their children cared for by a caretaker outside of the family. But when a marriage turns sour, unhappy, or unfulfilling, a stay-at-home parent may feel trapped in the marriage because they feel financially dependent on the working parent. If you are a stay-at-home parent feeling stuck in your unhappy marriage, do not fear! You don’t have to stay in an unhappy marriage and there are several paths to lead you towards a happier future. If you are a stay-at-home parent thinking of separating from your spouse, please reach out to our firm to schedule a consultation so we can help you understand to what you are financially entitled if you choose to separate.
Re-Entering the Workforce Depending on your age, health condition, work experience, and education among other factors, when you and your spouse separate there may be an expectation that you will re-enter the workforce in some form or fashion, to supplement your own income and provide for yourself and your children. The income that your working spouse earned while you shared a household may be stretched very thin when there are two households to financially support upon separation. The best way to ensure financial security for you and your children is to find a way to supplement or increase your income. As a stay-at-home parent, you will likely have some options and entitlement to financial support from your spouse after separation, as outlined below, but you will likely not be able to solely rely on your supporting spouse financially for the rest of your life and will need to reenter the workforce at some point. Alimony or Post-Separation Support As a stay-at-home parent, for alimony purposes you are a “dependent” spouse while your spouse is a “supporting” spouse. Alimony is financial support that a supporting spouse pays to a dependent spouse during separation or following divorce. Alimony is not automatically awarded in North or South Carolina, and you must need alimony to maintain the standard of living to which you became accustomed during the course of your marriage in order for you to receive alimony. Additionally, the supporting spouse must have the ability to pay alimony to you. There is no formula to determine alimony amount and duration in North Carolina and there are sixteen factors to weigh, including: the length of the marriage, the reasonable needs of the spouses, the incomes and earning capacities of the spouses, the reasonable expenses of the spouses, any marital misconduct by either spouse, the ages and health of the spouses, one spouse’s contributions to the education, training, or increased earning power of the other spouse, the extent to which the earning power, expenses, or financial obligations of a spouse will be affected by serving as the custodian of a minor child, the relative education of the spouses and the time necessary to acquire sufficient education or training to enable the dependent spouse to find employment to meet his or her reasonable economic needs, the contribution of a spouse as a “homemaker,” and several more. There is no formula for the calculation of alimony amount or duration in South Carolina, either. There are four types of alimony in South Carolina: permanent periodic (typical monthly payments), rehabilitative, reimbursement, or lump sum. As a stay-at-home parent, you may be entitled to permanent periodic alimony, rehabilitative alimony, or lump sum alimony, depending upon your situation, what you and your spouse agree to outside of court, or what the court orders. If you were a stay-at-home parent to young children prior to separation, take note of rehabilitative alimony. This type of alimony is meant to “rehabilitate” a spouse in acquiring higher income earning power, training, or education in order for that spouse to become financially self-sufficient. Rehabilitative alimony might be paid to a stay-at-home parent for a limited time until young children enter school, or until that parent can complete additional education to reenter the workforce. Alimony can be awarded within a separation agreement by you and your spouse agreeing that your spouse will pay you alimony, or it can be ordered by a court. At Dasher Law, we assist clients in obtaining their best outcomes outside of court and can assist you in obtaining alimony, or understanding if you are entitled to alimony, if you were a stay-at-home parent prior to separation. Please reach out to our firm to schedule a consultation if you are a stay-at-home parent and need guidance. We are very familiar with supporting stay-at-home parents through this transition and can help you, too. Come back next week to learn about the division of marital assets and how that might occur as a stay-at-home parent. What is common law marriage?
Common law marriage is a marriage recognized by the state that does not require the spouses to obtain a marriage license or hold a formal marriage ceremony. A state that recognizes common law marriages usually require the spouses hold themselves out to be married in public life, cohabitate together, and agree that they desire the state to legally recognize their union. The legal bar to establish a recognized common law marriage is typically quite high. Why does common law marriage exist? Common law marriage harkens back to days before easy and quick transportation when it was more difficult to locate a minister to conduct a marriage ceremony or the physical distance to obtain a marriage license from a courthouse was too great. Common law marriages provided protection of a couple’s reputations by allowing couples to avoid “living in sin” by cohabiting prior to legal marriage and avoid having their children shunned in society by being born out of wedlock. Does my state have common law marriage? South Carolina In South Carolina, effective July 24, 2019 as a result of the South Carolina Supreme Court Case Stone v. Thompson, South Carolina no longer recognizes new common law marriages. If you were already in a common law marriage established prior to July 24, 2019, South Carolina will continue to recognize your existing common law marriage. North Carolina North Carolina does not recognize common law marriage for its residents. North Carolina requires all couples who wish to be legally married to go through the legal process of statutory marriage, which includes obtaining a marriage license, participating in a marriage ceremony, having two witnesses to the marriage, and submitting the license to the county register of deeds to receive a marriage certificate. Will my common law marriage be recognized in South Carolina/North Carolina if I move from another state? Generally, the United States Constitution’s Full Faith and Credit Clause requires states to recognize and give full faith and credit to the laws of other states. This constitutional clause applies to common law marriages being recognized from one state to another. South Carolina Yes, in South Carolina your common law marriage will be recognized if you moved from another state that recognized your common law marriage and you are now domiciled in South Carolina. North Carolina Yes, it is likely that North Carolina will recognize your common law marriage, but there are a few factors that must be met in order for your marriage to be recognized. (1) You have to have been engaged in cohabitation in a state that recognizes common law marriage; (2) the out-of-state common law marriage was recognized by the state you were cohabitating in; and (3) the court in North Carolina can establish a date that your common law marriage began. What are the requirements of common law marriage? You might have heard that people who have lived together for seven (7) years or more and hold themselves out as spouses are “common law married,” but that was not the requirement in South Carolina prior to 2019 and is just a widespread myth. In South Carolina, for your relationship to have been considered a common law marriage prior to 2019, you had to be over sixteen (16) years old, not married to someone else, not be related to your partner by blood, cohabitate, and hold yourself out to be married both publicly and privately – which is more difficult to prove than you might imagine. Common law marriage provides the same economic and legal benefits as marriage, like tax breaks and inheritance rights. Do I have to go through divorce if my marriage was common law? There is no “common law divorce,” but if your relationship was legally recognized as a common law marriage in South Carolina prior to 2019 or another state that recognizes common law marriage, you will have to obtain a legal divorce to address any property and alimony/spousal support that exist. You also must obtain a divorce in a common law marriage to avoid potential bigamy issues that might arise if you remarried without obtaining a divorce from your common law spouse. Additional proof of the validity and existence of the common law marriage may have to be presented in a divorce from a common law marriage. It can be tricky to prove that you were married by common law and entitled to property division or spousal support, as it is often one spouse’s word against the other. If you have any questions or concerns about common law marriage in North or South Carolina, please reach out to schedule a consultation. When you separate from your spouse, you may feel like shouting from the rooftops about some or all of the following: how it was your spouse’s fault that you are getting divorced, your newfound freedom from your spouse’s dead weight, your sadness and loneliness as a result of your spouse leaving, or about the difficulties of co-parenting. As attorneys who primarily represent clients with family and domestic issues, we are here to tell you: do not take to social media to air your grievances with your spouse. Utilize the tips below to monitor and manage your social media use during your separation and divorce.
Talk to your lawyer if you have questions about how to proceed with social media use now that you are in the midst of a divorce. If you haven’t hired a lawyer yet, please reach out to schedule a consultation and we would be happy to guide you through the process. |
AuthorLindsey Dasher is the Managing Partner at Dasher Law PLLC Archives
September 2023
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