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Divorce Differently

Part II: How Can You Have a Successful Mediation?

5/23/2024

 
  1. Have realistic expectations for settlement. If you have a lawyer, that lawyer should be helping you set your expectations for a realistic outcome of your divorce. For example, it is generally presumed to be equitable for each spouse to receive approximately 50% of the assets (and debts) acquired during the marriage. With kids, you should assume that the children’s other parent will be heavily involved and have significant parenting time, unless extenuating circumstances exist.
  2. Keep your goals and priorities in mind as you come to an agreement. Prior to mediation, sit down and write out your top one or two goals for your divorce settlement and why they are so important to you. Is having equal parenting time the most important goal for you? Is equalizing retirement assets the most important? Having cash on hand? It is unlikely that you will get absolutely everything that you want in your divorce settlement. Allow your priorities to guide negotiations and be willing to budge if your spouse is asking for compromise on an issue that isn’t one of your top priorities. Your spouse will feel like they have “won” and you are not compromising your top goals.
  3. Show up open-minded and ready to compromise. You are paying a lot of money for half of the mediator’s fees and your attorney’s fees during mediation. It is in your best interests to show up to mediation with the hope and expectation that you will settle your case that day. Mediation provides the flexibility to create unique and creative solutions that fit your family’s needs – solutions that may not be available if you proceed to court. Use the flexibility of mediation to craft a settlement agreement that is best for you and for your family.

​Reach out to our firm if you need mediation services (Lindsey is a certified mediator in North and South Carolina) or if you need representation during a mediation session. 

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Part I: Mediation 101

5/16/2024

 
What is mediation?
Mediation is an alternate dispute resolution process in which a third-party neutral mediator helps the parties brainstorm solutions to their disputes, facilitates settlement discussions and negotiations between parties, and assists the parties in resolving their disputes fully in the mediation setting.

Is a mediator a decisionmaker?

No, the mediator cannot make decisions for the parties or force a settlement on the parties. It is up to the parties to voluntarily agree to any resolution that they reach in mediation. A mediator’s job is to remain impartial and neutral throughout the mediation process.

Is mediation confidential?

Mediation is a confidential process and settlement offers or negotiations discussed during mediation cannot be used or discussed in court after the mediation session.

What can you expect in mediation?

Typically, mediation starts in a “joint session” where both parties and their lawyers (if they are represented) listen to the mediator explain the ground rules for mediation. Then, each party and their respective lawyer go to their own separate rooms. The mediator shuttles back and forth between each party’s room, carrying each party’s communication to the other party in neutral, non-adversarial language, helping each party understand the other’s position and perspective, making suggestions for potential resolutions, and encouraging the parties to settle.

How long does mediation last?

Typically, one full day of mediation (7-8 hours) is required to settle a family law case that involves the division of marital assets/debts, child custody, child support, and potentially alimony. Sometimes, half a day of mediation may only be necessary if everyone comes prepared to compromise and extend settlement offers. If more than one day is needed, follow-up mediation session(s) can be scheduled.

How do you prepare for mediation?
  1. Exchange relevant financial documents. Exchange all financial documents necessary well before your mediation date. You and your attorney will review the financial documents prior to mediation and conduct an analysis regarding how to divide the marital estate equitably.
  2. Attempt to settle before your mediation date. Make an initial settlement offer prior to mediation and give the other party ample time to respond. You might be surprised and be able to settle before mediation! If you cannot come to a complete agreement before mediation, but you can agree on some issues, you can limit the issues upon which you disagree and proceed to mediation to resolve only the remaining disputes. If you can agree on some major issues, you could save time and money on the mediator’s fees and your attorney fees.
  3. Draft settlement documents before mediation. If you are motivated to settle and want to sign an agreement at the end of your mediation date, be sure that your attorney (or your spouse’s attorney) has drafted settlement documents in anticipation of settlement. Those documents can be tweaked and edited during the day at mediation so they can be signed at the end of the day if everyone is in agreement. You can also wait a few days after mediation to ensure the documents are exactly right before you sign.

Who pays for mediation? How much does it cost?

The parties pay the mediator’s fees, which is normally an hourly rate (although can sometimes be a flat fee, depending on the mediator’s fee structure). Typical hourly rates for mediators are between $250-$450 per hour. You and your spouse equally divide the mediator’s fees at the end of your session. Payment is due to the mediator at the end of your session.

Please reach out to our office if you need legal representation during mediation or if you need a mediator in North or South Carolina. Lindsey is a certified mediator in both states. Click the button below to schedule a consultation. Stay tuned for next week's blog post where we will provide tips for how to have a successful mediation.
​
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Termination of North Carolina Alimony

5/2/2024

 
When you and your spouse separate, you may be court-ordered to pay alimony, or you may agree to pay alimony because you have been the “supporting spouse” throughout your marriage and the “dependent spouse” needs financial support due to their years out of the workforce, age, or the spouse’s contribution as a stay-at-home parent during the marriage, among other factors. But are you destined to pay alimony forever? Not necessarily. Today’s blog post explores the various ways alimony in North Carolina can be terminated.

The termination of alimony depends upon the alimony terms as set forth in your separation agreement or court order, so always reference your own order or agreement first to determine when alimony can terminate for you. In a separation agreement, your contract terms provide for the duration of alimony and the circumstances under which it will terminate. Alimony may continue indefinitely unless otherwise detailed within the separation agreement.

North Carolina General Statutes § 50-16.9 states that alimony terminates upon the death of either former spouse, upon the remarriage of the dependent spouse, or the cohabitation of the dependent spouse.

1. 
Death of either spouse. If either the dependent spouse or supporting spouse dies, alimony will terminate. A dead person cannot receive, nor can they pay spousal support! If death of a spouse is a concern due to the age or health, you may consider negotiating a larger cut of the marital assets awarded in equitable distribution rather than monthly alimony payments as support.

2. 
Dependent spouse remarries. Alimony automatically terminates on the date a former dependent spouse remarries. If a former dependent spouse remarries, they are now receiving the marital rights, duties, and obligations that are awarded through marriage with their new spouse, and have no need for alimony payments from their prior spouse.

3. 
Cohabitation with a new partner by the dependent spouse. Cohabitation is defined as the following: “Cohabitation means the act of two adults dwelling together continuously and habitually in a private heterosexual relationship, even if this relationship is not solemnized by marriage, or a private homosexual relationship. Cohabitation is evidenced by the voluntary mutual assumption of those marital rights, duties, and obligations which are usually manifested by married people, and which include, but are not necessarily dependent on, sexual relations.” Sex alone or spending the night at a significant other’s house is not sufficient to prove cohabitation. It must be more than just occasionally spending the night with someone.

Sharing utility bills, buying a house or car together, having both the dependent spouse’s and new significant other’s names on a joint lease or mortgage, or officially sharing a mailing address are all evidence of cohabitation. Cohabitation can be difficult to prove without the involvement of a private investigator or some other way to obtain evidence of the cohabitation, which is required to terminate alimony. It is often necessary to hire a private investigator to gather evidence of cohabitation, but make sure you consult with your divorce attorney first to ensure the situation is handled properly.


4. Resumption of Marital Relations (or Cohabitation with your Spouse). The resumption of marital relations or engaging in consistent sexual encounters with your ex-spouse can terminate alimony. The resumption of marital relations is defined in North Carolina General Statutes § 52-10.2, which states that resumption of marital relations is a voluntary renewal of the husband-and-wife relationship, as shown by the totality of the circumstances.  Isolated incidents of sexual intercourse between the parties do not typically constitute the resumption of marital relations. 

5. Alimony Expiration Date or Termination by Contract. In some cases, alimony orders dictate periodic payments over a set amount of time. Your alimony obligation would automatically terminate on the agreed-upon date. For example, in North Carolina, alimony is often agreed to or ordered by a court for approximately half the length of a marriage.

6. 
Voluntarily Termination of Alimony. Spouses agree that alimony payments will terminate at a certain time, like when a lower-earning spouse graduates from college, finishes a graduate degree, or obtains full-time employment. At any time after separation or divorce, the former spouses can agree that alimony payments are no longer necessary. The former spouses should execute an Amendment to their Separation Agreement or a Consent Order to Terminate Alimony submitted to the Court to officially terminate alimony.

​If you have questions about terminating your alimony, please schedule a consultation by clicking the button below.  
 
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    Lindsey Dasher and Catherine Smith are experienced family law attorneys at Dasher Law, PLLC.

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  • Home
  • Services
    • Collaborative Divorce Law
    • Family Law
    • Mediation
  • About
  • Our Attorneys
    • Lindsey S. Dasher
    • Catherine A. Smith
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • (704) 256-8080