Frequently Asked Questions in a Divorce Consultation (Part V)

Can I date during my separation?
In North Carolina: Yes, you can begin dating after you are separated from your spouse. You must wait a year and a day after separation to file for divorce and some people choose to begin dating again in that time period. There is nothing unlawful about dating someone new after separation, as long as you are living separate and apart under a different roof from your spouse and you intend the separation to be permanent. However, it is wise to wait for a little while after your separation to begin dating again. It is important to give yourself time to process the divorce and loss of your marriage relationship and avoid the negative effects a new dating partner might have on your property settlement negotiations and child custody arrangement with your spouse. In North Carolina, if your spouse has made allegations of adultery or marital misconduct, it is best not to date until after your divorce is final. Your spouse (and a judge if your case ended up in court) might view moving in with a new dating partner soon after separation as supporting evidence that the adultery alleged actually occurred.

In South Carolina:  Generally, no, in South Carolina, you should not date while you are separated. By dating someone other than your spouse, you run the risk of being accused of having a sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse (even if you are not). South Carolina has a black-and-white view of what constitutes adultery; even if you are “separated” in South Carolina, you are still legally married, and having a sexual relationship with someone who is not your spouse is considered adultery. In South Carolina, adultery can adversely affect alimony rights and claims, property settlement rights and claims, and occasionally child custody.

Can I introduce my new partner to my children?
Oftentimes in child custody agreements, there will be a clause that requires you to date a new partner for a certain time period (for example, 3-6 months) before even introducing the partner to your children. Your parenting agreement might also prohibit you from having a new partner stay overnight when the children are with you. If you agreed to those terms in a Separation Agreement or Consent Order for Child Custody, you need to abide by them.
If you leave your marriage and immediately begin living with someone new, your children (and your spouse) will likely be hurt and confused. It will likely have negative consequences on your relationship with your children and on the potential outcome of a child custody agreement with your spouse, if there isn’t one in place.

Why should you wait to date?
Psychologists compare the loss of a marriage relationship as akin to the loss of a loved one through death. People often grieve the loss of a marriage relationship in the same way, by going through the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance). In our law practice, we often see the spouse who has chosen to leave the marriage is further along in the grief cycle, sometimes all the way to the “acceptance” stage whereas the other spouse may be in the “denial” or “anger” stage. If you immediately start dating and your spouse is aware, your settlement negotiations could be derailed by the emotional impact on your spouse. We recommend avoiding jumping into a new relationship; it can preserve peace between you and your spouse which may enable you to work out the terms of your separation amicably.    

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