Could a Nesting Arrangement be Right for You?

What is a nesting arrangement?
A nesting arrangement is a custody agreement wherein the children remain in the family home and the separated parents take turns staying in the family home with the children during their respective parenting times. Nesting is an alternative to a more traditional custody arrangement where the children alternate time at each parent’s respective home. When a parent is not exercising parenting time in the family home in a nesting arrangement, the “off-duty” parent stays at an alternate residence. The alternate residence could be an apartment that the co-parents use when they are not exercising their parenting time, two separate homes/apartments (one for each parent when they are not exercising their parenting time), a second home that the parents already own, or an extra room at a friend or family member’s home. 

Is nesting a long-term solution?
Typically, nesting is not a practical solution long-term even if you are the best of friends with your co-parent. Consider the following complications that might arise in a long-term nesting arrangement.

Lack of stability for parents: While nesting allows the children to experience a smoother transition while their parents are initially separating and figuring out the divorce, it does not provide that same consistency for parents who are rotating in and out of the family home week after week. Nesting can become exhausting for the parents who are constantly moving their personal items in and out of the family home, living out of a bag, returning to the family home in a different state of cleanliness than they prefer, and “sharing” space with their former spouse. Children can have their own clothes and toys at each parent’s respective home if parents are engaging in a traditional custody arrangement, rather than living out of a bag.  

New romantic relationship negotiations: Nesting can become untenable and awkward after the divorce as parents begin to date and enter into new romantic relationships, which requires more serious conversations. Are dating partners allowed in the family home during each parent’s respective parenting time? Are dating partners allowed to sleep over in the family home with the children present? These issues can be delicate to navigate emotionally, even for parents who are committed to their children as their top priority.

Financial considerations: Nesting can also cost more if you are renting up to two other living spaces, or it can become awkward if you’re having to share your “off-duty” residence with your co-parent, even if there are two bedrooms where each parent can have their own personal space. Nesting prevents a clean break financially because co-parents are sharing the costs of the family home, and potentially delaying the sale of the family home.

​When is a nesting arrangement a good option?
Priority=children: Nesting may be a good option if the parents’ top goal is to provide stability and consistency for the children throughout separation and divorce. Nesting provides comfort and routine for the children as their family structure changes. It can be a wonderful option as the children adjust to the “new normal” of their parents’ separation and divorce. 

Excellent communication: Nesting may be the right choice if the parents are able to communicate respectfully, consistently, and make decisions together without disagreement. Nesting arrangements require much more communication than parenting in two households. If conversations with your spouse often end in disagreements, nesting is probably not the right choice for you.

Financial security: Nesting is an option if there is no immediate need to sell the family home. Parents who can afford one or even two additional abodes (so the parents don’t have to share a residence when they are not exercising their parenting time) may consider nesting as a viable option. Nesting can be a low-cost option if both parents have family or friends they can live with on their “off-duty” time from parenting and they do not need to rent or buy another home or two.

How do you ensure that nesting is successful?
Nesting will be much more successful if you establish ground rules and maintain consistent communication between the parents. The parents need to discuss and agree upon issues that might arise and how they will handle each situation. For example, what will constitute “personal space” in the family home for each parent? It is best if each parent has their own bedroom in the family home during the nesting arrangement, so they can leave some personal items and have an expectation of privacy. What will each parent’s household and child-related responsibilities be while they are nesting? Establish a written agreement outlining household responsibilities for the family home. For example, who will pay the utility bills, how chores will be handled, who will be responsible for scheduling or completing household maintenance items (like pest control, gutter cleaning, lawnmowing, etc.), and what the expectation of cleanliness is for the family home upon the transition to the next parent. Having agreements like this will allow a nesting arrangement to continue successfully.

​If you think a nesting arrangement might be the right fit for you, please reach out to our firm to schedule a consultation and discuss your child custody situation with one of our experienced attorneys.
 
 

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